The URLy Edition

Inside the Head of a Modern Day Housewife
by TerryBerry
August 22, 2010
Strawberryterry@bellsouth.net

Inside the Head of a Modern Day Housewife – Volume VII

As a house wife of the modern age I sometimes stop to wonder how much I really take for granted. I am sitting here writing to you…while a machine is washing the dishes for me. How fantastic is that!?! It’s amazing is what it is. Men have tools at work they use…so it makes sense that women would want tools to make house work easier. I wanted to tip my hat to a woman who wanted to make life easier on herself. Truly an inspiring woman, Josephine Cochrane, decided to create a machine to make life simple. And if no one else would do it…then she would.

I encourage you to read about this women. Inventors are people we never really think about. It’s nice to stop and pay some homepage to the people who you should be thanking.

http://www.invent.org/hall_of_fame/256.html

GREAT BACON ODYSSEY #9

-= Bacon Jerky =-

This is not a tease! You have read correctly: I bought some delicious bacon jerky from baconfreak.com for about $10 per pouch. It clearly boasts on the front: “Bacon is Meat Candy.” If ever there was a motto for my life, that is what I claim.

If you go to that website, you will see they have several flavors of bacon jerky. And when I say bacon jerky, I do not mean cooked bacon, salted bacon, or beef jerky that’s been bacon-flavored. It is actual bacon, slow-dried, and then soaked in some kind of seasoning or syrup.

I chose the maple syrup flavor, as it seemed as close to your “average” breakfast plate bacon as could be chosen from the flavors available. When I got the package, everything inside was sticky…their ziploc-type bags are obviously not well-sealed or brand-named.

Despite the prematurely sticky fingers, the product was delicious! Thick-cut bacon with ample amounts of both meat and fat–flavored in syrup–can be eaten right at my office desk without any refrigeration or cooking of any kind.

I give this a wonderful stamp of approval; though with one warning: gristle doesn’t cure well into anything except…inedible plastic. There might be some of these bands running through a strip of two of the bacon jerky. Other than that, it’s absolutely decadent (and also very messy).

URLYEDITION RATING: 7 out of 10 stars

Inside the Head of a Modern Day Housewife
by TerryBerry
August 08, 2010
Strawberryterry@bellsouth.net

Inside the Head of a Modern Day Housewife – Volume VI

After watching some youtube videos on Autistic children….I wanted to remind all you new parents out there to watch milestones closely. In General, Doctors don’t really know much about this disorder so they tend to miss the symptoms and just chalk it up to delayed development. But it’s these early signs of Autism that you need to be aware of and watch out for (early intervention is crucial)….hand/arm flapping, teeth grinding, jumping or spinning in circle, Lack of speech and verbal communication, sensitivity to sound and textures, preoccupation with a certain toy, movie, tv. LACK OF EYE CONTACT. One of the very first signs is lack of response when their name is called. Repetitious behavior. The sooner you get treatment the sooner your child can have the opportunity to be integrated in regular classes when they reach school age. I am not saying this to make any new parents paranoid. But I do want you all to be aware of the signs and know there is treatment that can be more helpful with an early start.

And these are just a few of the signs. This is a growing problem…it won’t just go away with a “vaccine”. We may not know the causes but there are treatments available. The last ratio I read was 1 in 100 children are diagnosed with Autism per year. It was 1 in 250 just a few years ago. Please read about this disorder to be familiar with it.

Mistress’s Mayhem
by Kitty
August 08, 2010
misskitty9876@hotmail.com


Mistress’s Mayhem – Volume XI

Ok Im going to go ahead and say it……… I LOVE THE JERSEY SHORE!!! Laugh all you want this is a great show. If you’ve never seen it here is a bit about it thanks to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jersey_Shore_(TV_series)

Jersey Shore is a reality television series on MTV that follows eight housemates spending their summer on the Jersey Shore. The first season was filmed in August 2009 in a summer share in Seaside Heights but was also filmed in other towns such as Toms River, Neptune and Atlantic City, New Jersey. The show debuted amid large amounts of controversy regarding the use of the words “Guido/Guidette”, portrayals of Italian-American stereotypes and scrutiny from locals because the cast members were not residents of the area.[1][2][3]

Following the success of the first season, MTV announced in January 2010 that a second season consisting of 12 episodes had been ordered and would air that summer.[4] It would follow all of the first season cast as they escape the cold northeast and find themselves in Miami.[4] The second season premiered on July 29, 2010.[5] On July 20, 2010, MTV announced that the entire cast, with the exception of Angelina, would return for a third season to be shot back inSeaside Heights, New Jersey and scheduled to air later.[6][7] MTV has since exported the series to dozens of countries worldwide.[7]

Angelina “Jolie” Pivarnick[17]
22 Staten Island, New York
Angelina, a New York City bartender, proclaims herself as “the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” due to her “all natural” figure. A very outspoken individual, she causes conflicts within the shore house primarily between male castmates. She starts out the season with a serious relationship at home and intends on remaining faithful. However, the two ultimately break up in episode 3, which indirectly leads to her eviction from the shore house after refusing to work her shift in the t-shirt shop.[18][19]

Jenni “JWoww” Farley[20]
23 Franklin Square, New York
Jenni, aka JWoww, is a graphic designer and club promoter from Franklin Square, New York. She refers to herself as a praying mantis when it comes to her relationships with men. However, JWoww enters the shore house with a steady relationship at home with a man whom she claims to love. Although she intended to remain faithful, JWoww ultimately cheats on her boyfriend with castmate Pauly D and ends her relationship in Episode 3.[19][20] Prior to her 21st birthday she got a breast augmentation as a present to herself.[21]

Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino[22]
27 Staten Island, New York
Mike, an assistant manager of a fitness center in Staten Island, refers to himself as “The Situation”. He claims that despite his appearance as a “wild kid”, he has a sensitive side, and hopes to settle down in the future. He develops an attraction towards Sammi “Sweetheart” but a relationship never comes into fruition when she becomes interested in fellow castmate Ronnie.[23][24] He also worked as an exotic dancer in 2004.[25]

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi[26]
21 Marlboro, New York
Nicole “Snooki” is a self proclaimed “guidette” from Marlboro, New York, and an aspiring veterinary technician. She describes her ideal man as one who fits the guido stereotype and enters the experience hoping to meet the man of her dreams. She is the center of controversy when a man punches her in her face during a bar confrontation.[27] She previously suffered from an eating disorder in high school.[28] Her friends started calling her “Snooki” in middle school after the character “Snooki the cootchie crook” from the film Save the Last Dance because she was the first of her friends to make out with a boy.[29]

Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio[30]
28 Johnston, Rhode Island
Paul “DJ Pauly D” is a Disc Jockey from Johnston, Rhode Island outside of Providence. He owns a tanning bed in his house and spends around 25 minutes daily on his hair. He strikes up a brief romance with fellow castmate JWoww but the relationship does not progress.[19][31]

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro[32][33][34]
23 Bronx, New York
Ronnie hails from The Bronx in New York City. He enters the experience with the intent of not falling in love at the Jersey Shore. However, he ultimately breaks his own rule and strikes up a relationship with castmate Sammi “Sweetheart”.[19][35]

Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola[36]
22 Hazlet, New Jersey
Sammi “Sweetheart” calls herself “the sweetest bitch you’ll ever meet” and hails from Hazlet, New Jersey. Recently single, she enters the house with the sole intent of having fun. She attended William Paterson University and was a midfielder on the women’s soccer team.[37] When it comes to relationships, Sammi is described by her friends as a “heartbreaker” though she ultimately strikes up a relationship with fellow castmate Ronnie in Episode 3.[19][38]

Vinny Guadagnino[17]
21 Staten Island, New York
Vinny comes from a traditional Italian family in Staten Island. A self proclaimed “Mama’s boy”, Vinny is ready to enjoy his first summer as a 21 year old at the shore.[39][40] Guadagnino is a graduate of the State University of New York at New Paltz and plans to attend law school if acting doesn’t work out.[41]

MTV received a significant amount of criticism from Italian American organizations for the show Jersey Shore, which premiered in December 2009.[57] The controversy was due in large part to the manner in which MTV marketed the show, as it liberally used the word Guido to describe the cast members. The word Guido is generally regarded as an ethnic slur when referring to Italians and Italian Americans. One promotion stated that the show was to follow, “eight of the hottest, tannest, craziest Guidos,”[58] while yet another advertisement stated, “[the show] exposes one of the tri-state area’s most misunderstood species… the GUIDO. Yes, they really do exist! Our Guidos and Guidettes will move into the ultimate beach house rental and indulge in everything the Seaside Heights, New Jersey scene has to offer.”[59]

MTV responded to the controversy by issuing a press release which stated in part, “the Italian-American cast takes pride in their ethnicity. We understand that this show is not intended for every audience and depicts just one aspect of youth culture.”[57] Since the calls for the show’s removal, several sponsors have requested that their ads not be aired during the show. These sponsors include Dell, Domino’s and American Family Insurance.[66] Despite the loss of certain advertisers, MTV has not canceled the show. Moreover, the show has seen its audience gradually increase from its premiere in December 2009.

Sunday Munchies
by The Duke of URL
August 08, 2010
dukeofurl@urlyedition.com

Sunday Munchies – Volume I


PEANUT BUTTER EGGOS

This is an easy one, as all munchies should be. I started digging through the bowels of my freezer and found what I was pretty sure had been 3 eggos, sometime before they were covered in an inch of frost. As I places them in my toaster oven I thought “I can do a little better than usual, I know it.”

Ingredients:
+ Blueberry Eggos
+ Peanut Butter
+ Syrup

Yeah I didn’t say it was complicated. Toast the eggos until well-done (stiff). Spread a thin layer of peanut butter on each of the first two layers. I used the crunchy kind, but I think it would have been better with a creamier kind. Would have been great with my wife’s home made almond butter but she hasn’t made any in awhile.

Cut the stack down the middle and pour a shitload of syrup all over them. For an added bonus, include crispy bacon in between the layers eggos as well. Best served with OJ, cranberry juice, or sweet tea.

Enjoy

GREAT BACON ODYSSEY #8

The MIRAPORK

In most cuisine, there are great mother sauces and bases used as starting points for even finer complete dishes. One of my favs to implement for many dishes is the classic French mirepoix: a mix of chopped carrots, onions, and celery. Usually roasted or sautéed with butter, it’s the flavor base for a wide number of dishes, such as stocks, soups, stews and sauces.

Well lately I have decided on my favorite way to cook bacon, and I’ve implemented the method for several dishes I have eaten. I’ve used it so often in fact, that I decided to give it it’s own name, and refer back to it in future articles. Like the French mirepoix, it has 3 ingredients; but mine are bacon, onion, and garlic. A magical association of flavors that reflects on the name–it tastes like a goddamn miracle.

You start by taking out 5-6 pieces of long-strip bacon. I just use Kroger brand but you can use whatever if you are a bacon snob. Just make sure it’s not center-cut and still has plenty of white in the strips. Lay the strips on top of each other and chop into about 3/4″ to 1″ long pieces; depending on how large you like your bacon chunks. Put your large pan on the stove and turn it up to medium high. Toss the bacon pieces in the pan, separating them as much as possible.

While those babies sizzle, cut you up about 3/4″ of of a large onion. For most recipes I prefer Vidalia onions, but you can use white or red onions depending on the dish this is boosting. Slice the onions into long thin slivers, could still be in thin rings if you like. Toss those right in with the bacon in the pan.

This is where I feel like my genius really kicked in–that step above. See one day I had cooked up an assload of bacon and had a pan full of delicious grease. Shortly afterward I had to caramelize some onions and a light bulb went off–why would I throw out the grease and use an oil for the onion browning? So to enhance the baconicity of whatever dish that was, I cooked the onions in the tasty tasty grease.

From then on I was sold…and going one step further, there’s no reason to not cook the bacon and onion all in the same pan at the same time. They both cook for the same amount of time, at the same temperature, and the grease is quickly rendered out of the bacon as the perfect medium for the caramelization of the onions. Once its all cooking away, it’s important to toss the ingredients together and continually stir them all in the pan with your tongs–keep it all moving and rotating every 2-3mins.

After about 6 minutes, shave some cloves of garlic into the cooking mixture. The garlic flavor will release into the onions and bacon, and the garlic shavings will soften. You can use finely sliced pieces of garlic, but never used minced garlic–it’ll just burn.

Cook altogether for about 4-6 more minutes, depending on your pan, stove top, and how you like your bacon. Once the bacon pieces are dark red and right between chewy and crunchy and the onions are soft and brown and sweet, remove from the heat. Use your tongs to remove onion, bacon, and garlic from the pan–lay out on paper towels to drain.

Now you have to use some common sense while this is cooking and remove and pieces of any ingredient that look like they are done quicker than the mass. If one little bit of bacon fries itself pretty quickly, take it out to drain. Same for the garlic or onion slices. You’ll get the hang of this the more times you use it. Put it in macaroni and cheese…twice baked potatoes…a variety of soups…gravy…or anything else!

URLYEDITION RATING: 9 out of 10 stars

I MADE THESE LOLZ

This is why they never took over the world, man.

I guess all gays like anime? I’ll have to ask one, sometime.

Yes, I’m going bald. And yes, I have an earring in my left ear (or at least the hole for one). Minus the bulging biceps, I’m a regular fucking Mr. Clean. And by that I mean my blood stream. That’s right, I’ve been on a 7-day detoxification and boy has it been a tough road to travel.

As you all should know by now, the Duke has many vices. I smoke cigarettes and I continually smoke marijuana. I love drinking coffee in the mornings and sweet tea the rest of the day. I never drink plain water, by the way–too boring. And at the end of a stressful day I enjoy a little alcohol to calm the nerves. And if you’re talking fatty food like bacon or McDonald’s than you know you’re talking my language.

The back story is simple: I’m on probation. I smoke weed. Figure it out, genius…I have an appointment with my NEW probation officer this week and I have to make sure I’m prepared for the inevitable drug test. Of course there’s always the chance that I won’t get tested but I can’t afford to take that risk.

So I went and bought a $75 detox system which was a 7-day full cleanse, 6 pills a day, 42 pills total. It’s a system I have used before and the nice young lady with purple hair recommended at the Starship we shop at for all of our smoking goodies.

Now if you think all of this sounds pretty simple, you’d be dead fucking wrong. It’s not just taking 2 pills with each meal for an entire week. I also had to give up “all toxins” for the duration so that the detox system could do it’s job. Ironically, the box of the pills defines specific toxins, and they happen to be everything I love–the very things that I intake that make my life worth living.

Am I being melodramatic? Hell no! The detox system specified that my morning coffee–and any caffeine–is not allowed. I can only begin to tell you how no morning coffee affects the Duke, and it’s not in a pleasant way. Also no sweet tea–in fact, I am required to drink about a damn gallon of pure water each day to aid in the process of flushing out my body. No alcohol of course, that’s a gigantic no-no. Obviously no smoking weed, but no nicotine either. Grrr! I’ve been a lot of fun to be around for 7 days without those, lemme tell you. And the worst of all: I’ve had to adopt a low-fat healthy diet. A healthy diet? I barely know what the hell that even means. I love fat like a fat kid loves…fat!

I just completed my 7th and last day of detoxing, and I think I took it like a champ. All week long I have not had a thing to smoke–I’ve basically quit smoking ciggs (again) and even though I’ve thought about smoking a joint every single hour on the hour I have managed to avoid it. I haven’t been fun to be around, but I’ve done it. I’ve ingested about a million gallons of water and have ignored all of the coffee and tea that I love so dearly. I haven’t had a drink, but I’m really not an alcoholic anyway so that wasn’t really a sacrifice. The food however…I’ve done my best. I have still eaten bacon almost every day in one way or another but in small portions only and with much healthier food than I am used to (my wife has made sure of it). That also means NO FAST FOOD by the way, which I find incredibly disturbing. Not everything I’ve eaten is perfect (like the Mexican lunch I had with the boss) but it was pretty damn better than I am used to.

So what’s next for the Duke? Well tomorrow I will go before the almighty PO, the one man who stands between me and my freedom. I will answer his questions, and with any luck there will simply be no drug test at all. Of course I cannot count on that, and if by chance he hands me a cup to piss in, I should be alright. I will let you know how it goes! And if they give me another three months before I go back, I will be smoking a bowl by the time I get home. My wife is just quitting smoking ciggs though, and since I have been smoke free for a week this seems like the perfect time for me to just stay quit as well. So bye bye nicotine! After my accelerated withdrawal/detox I don’t even have cravings anymore. But coffee, tea, fat, alcohol: get ready because I’m back, baby!

Ranting Redhead
by Demonesque
August 01, 2010
rantingredhead10@gmail.com

Ranting Redhead – Volume IV

Femininity

Based on a few conversations, a friend with whom I’m only beginning to become acquainted commented to me that I must be “very feminine.” Initially, I was almost insulted by the remark. I have never considered myself feminine, if anything I consider myself neutral or even masculine. I don’t like what society has deemed as “feminine” and have put a lot of effort into breaking the social mold of what “a woman’s place” is and how a woman “should behave.” Yet, since the moment she shared her observation, I’ve been pondering the question, “What is femininity?”

The two most prominent concepts society associates with femininity are the two most prominent reasons I don’t want to be seen as feminine: submission and dependence. A feminine woman is subservient. A feminine woman relies on a man. A feminine woman wants a family. A feminine woman is quiet. A feminine woman stays at home. A feminine woman cannot provide for herself. A feminine woman lives to serve others. A feminine woman is not a feminist.

Those of you that have met me can safely say that I am none of the above, and those of you that haven’t will just have to take my word. I’m loud, I’m boisterous, I don’t depend on men or anyone for that matter, I’m opinionated, I put my thoughts out there for anyone who wants to see them, and I believe very strongly in feminism and advertise that fact freely. Can I be feminine if I am not quiet, weak, and submissive?
Then I thought of some other aspects of my personality. My outward appearance is extremely feminine. I like to wear pretty clothes. I like to put on makeup. I like to style my hair. I like fancy shoes. I enjoy the arts. I love to dance. When it comes to the mating game, I prefer to be the prey not the predator. Surely, these are all “feminine” things that don’t necessarily connotate weakness, submission, or anti-feminism.
So, what IS femininity?

Mistress’s Mayhem
by Kitty
August 01, 2010
misskitty9876@hotmail.com


Mistress’s Mayhem – Volume X

We all know raising kids is hard as hell. I told myself growing up I wanted to have 4 or 5. I came from a big family and loved the idea of it. After 2 I have had enough! Some of my friends say oooh its hard because they are closer in age this might be true (my kids are 17 months apart) but most days I don’t think I cut out for this. I want my me time back and with a hubby who is gone most days for 14-18 hour I never get it. Getting a shower its a task I have yet to master with the kids running in and out of the bathroom fighting. Ooh and forget running to the store to pick up something for dinner that’s not even a good idea to try! Thanks to Kroger now they have TV shopping carts but one more thing to fight over what are they going to watch peacefully. God forbid if there are no TV carts left the crying and whining OMG makes me crazy! I cant even sit here and write to you with out someone jumping on me! OMG how much longer till they are 18? But at the end of the day I have to admit I love them more then life itself and my mom always said “God wont give you something you cant handle.” So all in all as crazy as I feel most days I can do it! Maybe…. (spa day here I come soon)